Decisions, decisions...

* You don't need to know anything about looms. I am usually decisive.Why am I stuck?

I bought my first floor loom several years ago. I found a used counterbalance loom for a reasonable price. It was old and needed some upgrades, but it was lovely. A couple of years later, I found a used jack loom. Slightly larger, with lots of accessories, it was a great bargain.

Both looms have been kept busy as I learn and explore new weave structures. A used warping mill, some used shuttles and a used bench have been added to the collection. In all, I have a very well-equipped studio and have spent less than half the price of a new loom.

Yesterday, I finished sleying a new warp on the counterbalance loom before I realized I couldn't weave the intended project due to limitations of that style of loom. With another project on the jack loom, I will have to wait until I can transfer this warp to the other loom. Sigh. This started a cascading thought process.

I had been considering selling my counterbalance loom as my studio in our new home is a bit crowded, but I really love having two looms. So...do I sell the counterbalance and replace it with another used jack loom? That is where my thrifty mind went first. Then my covetous mind went in the opposite direction.What if I got an eight harness loom? Both my current looms are four harness looms; the design possibilities of eight harnesses are exponential and exciting.

There are not many used eight harness looms around, and they tend to be very large. Research delivered a good option - a new, reasonably-priced compact eight harness jack loom by a respected manufacturer. Free shipping. Lots on online tutorials. Shiny, bright, new. Tempting.

Then, I was struck with a sense of being stuck. This isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Covid limitations on travel resulted in some spare cash. So what's the issue? I have managed so far to rely on used equipment. I only buy used cars. I take care of stuff so it lasts a long time. Etcetera, etcetera... It is the discomfort of self-indulgence. I am generous with others. Spending money on myself is less comfortable. A feeling that this money could be better spent. A sense that I am not a "good enough" weaver to deserve it. All these ah-ha's and gotcha's are a sure sign of something other than overthinking.

In the end, I will probably buy the new loom and find a new home for the counterbalance loom. It is a rational decision. I find, though, that my heart and my head sometimes get tangled up in these angsty inner conflicts. They help me better understand myself and work through these uncomfortable truths. It also annoys me. Being a developed human adult is too much work some days. I just want to weave.