Doldrums

Despite my excitement about having lots of studio time, I find myself stricken with inertia. It may be the result of a month-long marathon of viruses. It may be the result of inadequate sleep, or exercise, or sunlight, or, or...

Whatever is causing this, it needs to stop. My busy brain and creative drive don't do well when I feel stuck. I am purposely spending time in my studio every day, no matter how briefly, to do something - anything - to stir things up.

Lots of folks get revved up at the beginning of a new year. Resolutions, big plans, raring to go. I've never felt that way. I don't make resolutions - if I feel I need to make a change, I do. No reason to wait for some arbitrary date to get on with things. I also don't do polar bear swims, but that's a different thing entirely. I don't like the cold, I don't like getting wet, and I don't swim. Logic. My periods of excitment are usually early spring when my fingers get itchy to garden, and the beginning of the school year, with its promise of new adventures and the start of the cosy season.

I have several projects on the go in the studio. A scarf on the counterbalance loom, dressing the jack loom for a wall hanging project, a baby quilt for grandbaby 4, a partially-crocheted elephant (don't ask) and eri silk on the spinning wheel. In my other life, plans are underway for a vacation in May. But I still feel a bit blah.

I have a long history of depression. It is usually well-managed with medication. I've had lots of counselling, read the books, did the programs, and meds work best for me. Occasionally, the depression breaks through, sending me into a black hole for months. It often starts with the doldrums, so I am watching carefully for other symptoms. Most likely, though, this sense of ennui is the result of a battered immune system and a change in my routine.

So, every day I go to the studio. I take stock of myself, look after myself, and remain optimistic. In the meantime, my amarylis has a big bud. There are buds forming on one of my orchid plants. I am halfway through an interesting jigsaw puzzle. Lots to keep me interested while I wait out this period of the doldrums. Now, I think I'll have a cup of hot chocolate and work on that puzzle.